In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

First the essay can be read by you, and directly after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered and the sentence into the essay has been colour coded to correspond into the fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall assist you to understand:

  • How an essay gets a Band 7
  • What sentence structures and language becomes necessary for a Band 7
  • Ways to link ideas smoothly

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Do the advantages for this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It really is well known that some countries have a population with more people that are young old people. Even this fact could have both benefits and drawbacks, In my experience the positive implications of having a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will talk about the pros and cons examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one hand, having more younger people could lead to too little professionals in the society. Older population may be more educated compared to the young one, this might be being why they usually have had additional time to review a career that is professional their lives. As an example, in order to become an expert physician it is needed at the very least ten years of university studies and also this may not be able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s might have been through a complete lot in life and so they may be more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will likely have higher rate of crime, this could be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A report through the University of Chile revealed that within the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice more than into the north where most of the population where in their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations come in general more vigorous and much more happy. This may be simply because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to your workplace more and continue maintaining them-self more energetic. Adding to the fact that healthy people could work more efficiently, with this they can play a role in the economy regarding the country, earning money in place of spending. As an example, the simple truth is that old societies fork out a lot of cash in health for their old citizens. Another positive part of having young adult populations is that there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more time and more energy than old individuals to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer all the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty years of age. With old people there is no right time to start a sport career. And last but most certainly not least, young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities and in addition more likely to participate in them. Old people could be too tired to venture out.

To summarize with the arguments given above, I firmly think that the advantages of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. Despite the fact that, there are numerous positive aspects of having an older population
that we should think about.

It is well known that some countries have a population with an increase of people that are young old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact may have both pros and cons, In (GR1) my estimation the positive implications of experiencing a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will discuss the pros and cons (LR1) giving examples to support both point of view.

TR1 – Good to start by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your use of punctuation.
TR2 – Good to state your opinion clearly.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. You will need to vary your usage of vocabulary whenever you can.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to young one, this really is being why (LR2) they usually have had more hours to review a specialist career in their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to become an expert physician it really is needed at the very least ten years of university studies and this may not be able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) and they may become more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could make it possible to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have higher level of crime, this may be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A report through the University of Chile (TR5) showed that within the south of Chile, in which the population is mainly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice more than when you look at the north where all the population where in their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 life that is–singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate https://essaywritersite.com/write-my-paper-for-me language to introduce an illustration.
TR4 – Good to include an illustration to aid your idea.
GR3 – Some problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have not yet had time for you to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit in the side that is informal but lovely natural use of language.
TR5 – Again, good to utilize examples to support your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a relative clause.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – in addition to noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations come in general more vigorous and more happy. This can be because (CC5) they usually have less old illness that is age-associated them to focus more and continue maintaining them-self more active (LR7) . Adding to the fact that healthy people can perhaps work more efficiently, using this they could play a role in the economy for the country, earning money in the place of spending (GR4) . For example, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of income in health because of their old citizens (LR8) . Another positive facet of having adult that is young is that there are more likelihood of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people do have more some time more energy than
old visitors to practice and start to become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer all of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career if they turn thirty yrs old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time for you to start a hobby career. And last but not least (CC6) , young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be because they are more proactive in organize those activities as well as prone to be involved in them. Old people may be too tired to venture out.

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